My Teen Won’t Talk to Me Anymore!
By Emma Nelson, LPC
IIt’s the evening, you just got home from a long day at work and your teenager just got home from school. How was your day at school? What did you do today? The question you ask 5 days out of the week. But you’re always answered with Fine. I don’t know. You’re frustrated and feeling shut out. Your teenager is spending more time with friends, locking themselves up in their room, and not expressing themselves with you as much as they used to in middle or elementary school. You want to connect with your child and be that person they can confide in.
But how?
Well, you’re not alone. So many parents of teenagers struggle in connecting with their teenagers. In hopes to assist you on your parenting journey, I have provided techniques and resources below to start you on your journey to encourage healthy self-expression in your teens.
Regulating
When looking for a productive conversation or communicating in general, it is so important to check within ourselves as well as our children. After a long day at work or school we are often met with feelings of stress, overwhelm, hunger, and fatigue. So, in this moment, are we able to effectively share about our day and communicate? Kids, teens, and even adults often need time to regulate after a long day through coping skills. This can be doing a preferred activity like tv, art, or exercise. Once we are recharged and in a good space, we are then more likely able to effectively communicate and share our feelings.
For additional regulation skills check out this link: https://psychcentral.com/blog/blog/2018/01/30-healthy-coping-skills-for-teens#1
Modeling
One of the wonderful things about children is their ability to learn and grow. And as parents, it’s our responsibility to teach them! It’s also much easier to open up and be vulnerable with someone who is also practicing vulnerability. What this means is, we open up and share our feelings with our children first. A template that I use with my clients and parents is the following:
“Today I felt ______ because ______.”
This statement can be positive or negative. Such as: Today I felt overwhelmed because I had a lot of deadlines or Today, I felt excited because I planned on watching you play sports.
You can also teach regulation skills to your children through modeling. This could look like: Today I felt overwhelmed because I had a lot of deadlines. So, I am going to go for a walk before dinner.
For additional modeling skills check out this link: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-model-healthy-communication-behaviors-for-your-children/
Participate in Their Interests
As our kids grow older, they become their own person and develop a range of interests. And a lot of times, they differ from our own. But understanding and participating in your child’s interests is a fantastic way to develop deeper connections. This may look like bringing out our inner child and playing a video game with them, watching their favorite movies, or even just being actively curious and interested in hearing about their passions. This can show our authenticity in caring about their passions and hobbies.
For additional resources encouraging your teens interest, check out this link: https://xello.world/en/blog/resources/for-parents/10-ways-help-teens-develop-their-interests/
Your relationship with your teen will not change overnight. It takes time, patience, understanding, and our own investment in ourselves to find success. But at the end of the day, we know that being a teen is hard...because we’ve been through the same thing.